A blog by Claire Standen Coaching
You know how the old saying goes 'Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes'... Well. I found myself feeling judged by my ex-husband the other day (how much of this was true and how much was a mirror, I'll never know!). I was thinking to myself that he shouldn't judge me, that he should be more understanding of me and that he should look at things from my point of view. Yet, in all of that, I made no space to look at things from his point of view. I was expecting something of him that I wasn't prepared to do myself. As usual, this new thought bought me some freedom for the emotional pain I had experienced while thinking (and believing) that he 'should' do all of those things. Ultimately, I'm in charge of me and my thoughts and actions. He's in charge of his.
Across the four years since we've been separated, it's always been the case that the times I've had the least influence and suffered the most, have been when I'm hoping, or expecting for him to change. The times I've felt the most empowered, have been when I'm changing how I see things, and gaining more flexibility myself.
Which led to to this blog post, and something that occurred to me yesterday. The harder it is to see from someone's perspective, the more freedom there is to be had from doing so. That is to say, if you can seek to understand something that exists from a way of looking at the World you would never dream of adopting, the more of a 'brain workout' you get. So next time you encounter someone with a map of the World that has you scratching your head, thank the Universe for this opportunity to gain more flexibility. You don't have to agree with what they think, say or do- but if you accept the invitation to attempt to understand (rather than to proved you're right and they're wrong), then you just might find that out the other end of the encounter, you're experiencing more peace.
Claire Standen - NLP Mind Coach
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